


Just Hold Me Well

by Lobotomite



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: M/M, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-13 04:34:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21488419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lobotomite/pseuds/Lobotomite
Summary: It was meant to be a fun little trip with his 118 family; no stress, no drama, and certainly no sexuality-redefining fumbles that make him realize his more than platonic feelings towards his best friend. But, well, when has anything ever gone according to plan for Buck?
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 39
Kudos: 862





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was meant to be a short fluffy thing to get accustomed to the characters, but it kind of got away on me a little bit. I hope y'all like it, anyway; it's pretty much done so the second half should be out in the next few days, I'm just ironing out some parts that are giving me a bit of trouble.

There's a conference on. Usually Buck would be annoyed at being pulled away from what he really wants to do - from his _actual_ job - just to sit there listening to a bunch of people talk about things alternately obvious and useless, but always boring. This time, however, he can't help but be a bit happier about it - this one is being held a decent distance away, and all of his family at the 118 is getting flown out, all expenses paid. He's essentially getting paid to go on holiday with most of his favorite people. So he’s happy to grit his teeth and sit through some boring lectures and workshops if it gets him the pleasure of dragging the rest of the team out drinking in the evenings.

Some of the team aren't entirely enthused with Buck's plans - Bobby sighs and pointedly ignores him making plans with Chim and Hen, and Eddie rolls his eyes and shakes his head with a small smile whenever Buck brings it up, acting like he's too mature for a bit of bar hopping. Buck knows that he's going to win them over, though, so he doesn't let their lack of enthusiasm bother him, making up for it with his own. He does admittedly start getting a little bit outrageous with his suggestions when he knows Eddie is listening, taking possibly too much pleasure in the way his nose wrinkles and he stares at Buck as he tries to figure out whether he's actually going to try and do whatever he's spouting off about. And if Buck gets just as much pleasure from the moment where he realizes that Buck is taking the piss and his face relaxes into a fond, exasperated smile, well. That's just for him to know.

The trip to the conference area is a typical trip; it takes twice as long as he thinks it should, the only reason he's not late is because Maddie and the rest of the 118 harass him starting the day before they leave (and even then, he cuts it close), and he spends the short flight driving his unfortunate seat-neighbors Eddie and Chimney insane with his hatred of sitting still in an enclosed space, but he makes it out the other side un-murdered and eager to have some fun. 

Unfortunately, the rest of them still aren't quite as enthused as Buck is and insist on finding their hotel first, but he manages to coax them (read: pester them until they give up) to dump their stuff in their rooms and head right out for some food and drinks. He doesn't entirely trust Eddie not to be seduced by the quiet of an empty room and the existence of a soft bed, though. So he snatches the key to their room before Eddie can even think to take it and makes him hand over his bag so Buck can run it to their room while Eddie stays down here, in the temptation free lobby. Come to think of it, they haven't actually explicitly discussed who's sharing rooms, but they don't really need to, do they? Bobby gets the single room because he's the boss, Chimney and Hen share because they're best friends, Buck and Eddie share because _they're_ best friends. The arrangement is obvious, and Buck is a little insulted that Eddie looks surprised at Buck gesturing for his bag and offering to take it up with him - Hen and Chimney certainly don't blink an eye, instead bickering over which one is the bad friend for not volunteering to take both sets of bags up like Buck has while they both wait for the elevator.

He doesn't even bother checking out his room when he gets there, opting instead to open the door partway, toss the bags through - he hopes, belatedly, that Eddie hasn't packed anything breakable - and then pull it closed again, the lock clicking into place, before bolting back down the stairs. 

Now, he knows that he didn't actually _need_ to rush - he gets back to the lobby in record time, sure, but seeing as nobody else shares his sense of urgency, all that means is that he has to wait with Eddie in the lobby for twice as long as he otherwise would have. Spending time with Eddie is never going to be anything approaching a problem, though, and he good-naturedly indulges Buck's enthusiasm until Bobby gets there, and then until Hen and Chimney finally meander over and they all head out to the nearest bar.

\---

"Shots!" Buck announces, holding the tray aloft triumphantly. "Oh, come on," he insists (doesn't whine, he's a grown man who definitely does not whine) when the entire rest of the table manages to share a single glance that says they're not as tempted by the idea as he'd hoped. "This is meant to be a _party_, guys, don't tell me you're not up for a bit of fun." 

"You know this isn't _actually_ meant to be a party, right, Buck?" Chimney points out, eyebrows raised. "We're here for work, and we have to be up early to sit through what promises to be an _excruciatingly_ boring meeting. Not exactly the best time to get drunk at a bar."

Buck snorts dismissively. "That doesn't mean we can't have some fun! We're all out with no responsibilities, nobody to rescue, nobody we need to get home to. Come ooon, we might as well make the most of it!"

To his surprise, it's Eddie who breaks first. 

"Go on, then," he says with a resigned sigh, reaching out and accepting the shot glass Buck triumphantly places in his hand. With Eddie's acceptance, the dam breaks, first Hen, then Chimney, and finally a reluctant Bobby taking a glass. 

"To the 118," Buck says with a grin, raising his glass - the display returned with varying levels of enthusiasm - and then tosses back his first shot of the night. 

\---

"Hey, wh- where- where's Hen?" Buck asks, talking over Eddie's rambling and twisting in his seat, looking around the bar. "She was- she was just here, wasn't she?" He turns back to look around the table, ending up just blinking owlishly at Eddie, the only one there. Wait, why is it just Eddie here? They were out with the whole team, he's sure of that. "Wha- where'd everyone go?"

Eddie stares blankly at him, turning his head slowly left and right as if to confirm they really are alone at the table, and when his gaze returns to Buck his brow is furrowed in confusion and he shrugs his shoulders. It was Buck who asked in the first place, but the baffled look on Eddie's face makes giggles bubble up in his chest, and the insulted pout he gets in reaction has him outright laughing, body shaking so hard the liquid in his glass sloshes over the sides and onto his hand - which, hey, he has a drink in his hand, why isn't he drinking it? He lifts the glass to his face, still giggling to himself and grinning over the table at Eddie - causing the ghost of a smile to try and break through the now over-exaggerated pout - grin turning into a frown when the liquid he spilled starts to trickle down his wrist. He forgoes the mouth of the glass to lift it higher and lick off the drop of - of vodka, right, he was drinking vodka. He proceeds to follow the trail with his tongue, licking up his arm and then across and between his knuckles - a surprisingly difficult thing to do while keeping his drink steady, he finds - before he gets a crumpled bunch of napkins thrown at his face. 

"Fucksake, Buck, you're not a cat," Eddie grumbles. "Dry your hands like a normal person, you're gonna spill your drink." He looks flushed and inordinately flustered - he must be getting pretty drunk, Buck thinks triumphantly. He knew he was better at handling his drink than Eddie; he's barely even tipsy. It _is_ taking a second for his brain to catch up to his eyes whenever he moves, but that's normal, isn't it? Yeah, he's pretty sure that always happens.

"No 'm not," he protests, putting his glass down anyway and giving his hand a perfunctory wipe with a handful of napkin. Just for Eddie's sake, because he definitely was not at any kind of risk of spilling anything. "What's the time?" he asks, suddenly aware that the loss of the rest of their team might mean they should be going, too. He doesn't want to, but he _also_ doesn't want to deal with a boring day of talks on no sleep. They both frown down at their phones - past midnight, fuck, they really do need to get going. Eddie sighs, clearly reaching the same conclusion as Buck.

"I'll go settle the tab - wait for me outside?" Buck should probably offer at least a modicum of a protest at Eddie offering to pay, considering he was the one who pushed this whole thing, but instead he just beams at Eddie and nods, making his way outside and slumping against the cool wall outside as he waits. Eddie shouldn't offer to pay for something without being willing to actually pay for it, so Buck is really just doing him a favor, he reasons. He briefly considers doing him another favor and getting them an Uber back to the hotel, but really, it isn't far back, anyway, and a bit of a walk might do them some good. 

And it does - the ground stops trying to trip him up halfway through their walk back, and he's pretty sure it sobers Eddie up, too, even though he keeps "accidentally" bumping Buck into walls and insisting Buck let him lean against him for balance, uncharacteristically playful and obnoxious. Buck can't find it in him to mind, though, not when the smiles Eddie keeps shooting Buck make his face flush and a mirroring smile pull at his own mouth - he loves seeing Eddie like this, loose and relaxed and affectionate, and if he has to deal with a few knocks into walls to see it, that's a price he'll gladly pay.

Eddie doesn't let up when they get to their hotel, leaning all of his body weight against Buck as he tries to let them into their room, forehead pressed in between his shoulder blades and chest pinning him against the door, body warmth making him too warm and prompting heat to flood Buck's face.

He finally gets the door open, staggering into the room, letting out unattractive snorts of laughter as Eddie loses his balance without Buck there for support and hits the ground with a thump.

"_Fuck_," Eddie groans, rolling onto his back and throwing an arm over his eyes, and as entertaining as the sight is, Eddie _is_ currently blocking Buck from closing the door. After the third time Buck pointedly closes the door on Eddie's legs and Eddie doesn't react at all, he sighs heavily and bends down, hooking his arms under Eddie's armpits and dragging him fully into the room.

"Cap needs to cut you off," he grunts, dropping him on the ground. "Heavy bastard."

"You're a heavy bastard," Eddie mumbles, and Buck just snorts. 

"Sure, whatever. If you're just gonna lie there, I'm grabbing the bathroom." He doesn't wait for Eddie to answer, kicking the door closed and bolting to the bathroom before Eddie can even try and beat him there. 

He lets the water heat up while he takes a leak, and the stream of water hitting him when he steps into the shower is luxuriously hot, plastering his hair to his head and melting any tension in his muscles. He relaxes into it for longer than is probably polite, enjoying the heat, but eventually has to shut the water off and towel himself dry, pulling his boxers on in lieu of proper pyjamas and vacating the bathroom so Eddie can use it.

Eddie's eyes slide down him, taking in his bare chest, and Buck has a moment of self-doubt - they get changed in front of each other all the time, so he hadn't thought twice about forgoing a shirt, but maybe it was inappropriate in these different circumstances? But Eddie just blinks and shakes his head, looking back across the room at their beds.

"Might not want to get too comfortable," he says, sounding a lot less drunk than before (which, Buck _knew_ he'd been over-exaggerating to be a pain in the ass), but also a lot more tired and a _lot_ more annoyed. 

"What d'you m-oh." Turns out he wasn't looking at their beds - he was looking at _a_ bed. Singular. "Fuck. Think it was the hotel giving us the wrong room, or the 118 thinking they're hilarious?"

"I don't know, man," Eddie groaned. "I don't even care, I just want to fucking sleep."

"Well you better take a shower first, because I'm not sharing a bed with someone who reeks of shitty bar." 

"_You're_ the one who _chose_ the bar, you don't get to complain about it," Eddie protests automatically, before pausing and frowning. "Wait, share a bed?"

"Mmhmm," Buck says, making his way over to said bed and throwing himself down onto it face first. "Left side's my side. You better not snore, or I'm kicking you out." 

"You can't kick me out of a room you're not even paying for, Buck." Buck ignores him, stretching on the bed - he has to admit, it might be larger than he'd been expecting and lacking a companion bed, but it's extremely comfortable. "You, uh, you don't mind sharing a bed?" Eddie says after a few moments of silence. 

"No," he mumbles into the pillow he's got his face buried in. "If you wanna go deal with our room arrangements be my guest, but I'm not moving until I've had a sleep." There's silence for a long time - or maybe a short time, he's not exactly the best at estimating the passing of time at the moment - but eventually he hears Eddie heading to the bathroom, and quickly after, the sound of a shower running. He half-dozes, too comfortable to bother actually getting under the covers, and only wakes when he feels the mattress move under him as Eddie crawls into the bed. 

"If you're not going to use the blankets, at least shove over so I can use them," Eddie says. Buck sighs and wiggles, eventually successfully kicking the blanket down to his feet. Turns out it's more difficult to wiggle the blanket back up over him than it was to wiggle it down, though, so he squirms around ineffectually for an embarrassing amount of time (he could reach down and pull it up that way, but at this point it's turned into a challenge, and Buck has never been good at ignoring those) until he finally annoys Eddie enough that he flips over, drags the blanket up over Buck's head, and then pointedly rolls back over to face away from him. 

"My hero," Buck says after pulling the blanket away from his face, grinning at the quiet huff that's Eddie's only response - and that won't do, Eddie isn't allowed to ignore him. 

So he throws his arms around Eddie's waist, wiggling close so that his chest is pressed right up against his broad back and his face is nuzzled into his shoulder. Eddie snorts and makes a half-hearted attempt to pull Buck's arms away from him, but Buck clings tight, alcohol and joy bubbling in his chest and making him feel light and playful, and Eddie gives up almost immediately, relaxing into his hold with a dramatic sigh.

"I knew this was a bad idea," he grumbles. "I'm not gonna get any sleep with you smothering me."

"I have it on good authority that my arms are _the _most comfortable place to sleep, I'll have you know," Buck announces, rubbing his face against Eddie's shoulder and enjoying the shiver that runs through him. "Now shut up and accept the gift of sharing a bed with Buck; it's a rare honor these days."

He's not sure what possesses him to think that his next action is a good idea; he could blame it on the alcohol, but he's buzzed at this point, not pissed. Not drunk enough to justify pushing the joke too far by pressing a kiss to the nape of Eddie's neck.

That's what he does, though.

It's meant to be a joke, he thinks; another little push forward in this bromance thing they have going on, a little joking callback to the reason people _used_ to share his bed. But when he smacks an exaggerated kiss to the nape of Eddie's neck, Eddie reacts like Buck has just kneed him in the balls, sucking in a sharp breath and whole body going tense. It's dark in the room, but Buck can practically see the fine hairs on Eddie's skin standing on end, can feel the relaxed feelings abruptly sucked out of the room, the atmosphere suddenly tense and heavy with... something.

It was meant to be a joke. But it's starting to feel less and less like one, and Buck can't say he minds the change. The tension could feel awkward, and does a bit, but mostly it feels heavy with possibility; and Buck has always been one to test new theories and thoughts with action, to see possibilities and jump. So he lets his head dip forward again, lips pressing more firmly and purposefully against Eddie's skin, flexing his arms and squeezing him tighter. And Eddie sucks in another breath, hands darting down to grab Buck's wrists tight; but he makes no moves to break his grasp, just holds him with trembling hands, so Buck does it again, and then again, letting his mouth part this time so that when he kisses where Eddie's neck meets his shoulder he tastes the salt of his skin. Eddie properly shudders at that, fingers squeezing on Buck's wrists, and he likes the reaction so much he's about to do it again when Eddie gasps his name.

"Buck," he repeats when Buck just hums, nosing into his skin. "Buck, what... What are you doing." It's probably meant to be a question, but it doesn't quite come out like one; it comes out choked and strangled, in a voice rough with - with _arousal_, he's sure it's arousal, so sure. If there's anything he knows, it's the sound of someone who wants to get off with him. And if there's anything he's _bad_ at, it's turning away from such overt attention.

"Kissing you," he replies simply, demonstrating again with another lazy kiss to his neck, ridiculously pleased at the soft groan he manages to pull from Eddie's mouth. He's not sure exactly what this means for his sexuality, but all he needs to know right now is that he's _definitely_ into that sound, definitely into the way Eddie's abs flex against his hands - and when he started smoothing said hands down Eddie's chest, he doesn't know, but he's glad he did. Eddie is impressive to look at, but feeling those muscles for himself, feeling the way they move as Eddie breathes and the way they tense at Buck's touch - he could get _very_ used to it. He lets a hand drift up, thumb brushing against a nipple as he mouths at Eddie's neck, and Eddie shudders, breath shooting out of his mouth like it's been punched out of him.

"Buck," Eddie says, voice low, a warning and a promise, and his head is spinning and his chest feels full and weightless and he doesn't know what he's doing or what this means but it feels good and right, so he keeps doing it, leaning forward and biting this time, getting hold of the nipple pebbled under his touch and tugging gently.

"_Fuck_," Eddie grunts, grip on Buck's wrists so tight he's sure there are going to be bruises tomorrow, and he abruptly breaks Buck's hold on him, shoving his arm backwards with a startling burst of strength that has Buck toppling onto his back. His head swims and the rooms spins and before he can process what's happening Eddie is on him, strong arms boxing him in on either side.

Buck hasn't ever given any thought to how Eddie would kiss - he _hasn't_, not really, not anything more than idle thoughts when he's bored or zoning out at work with his eyes fixed on Eddie's face or when sleep is lapping against his consciousness and his thoughts get loose and hazy - but he'd never thought that it would be so rough, almost _angry_, teeth clicking against Buck's own in the rush to press them together. 

He's been with people - women - more dominant than him in bed before. He's unashamed to admit that, in the right circumstances, it's something he enjoys. It's never been anything like this, though. He might not have always been dominant, but he's never been with anyone so completely able to match him physically, who can lay over him, pin him down, completely envelope him and be entirely capable of making sure he stays there. Never had such rough, broad hands grip his jaw tight and effortlessly turn his face whichever way he wants as he bites at Buck's lips and his tongue fucks into his mouth, never had stubble burn against his skin as a hand in his hair yanks his head back and teeth dig into his neck, leaving Buck unable to do anything but moan and gasp, hands shoved up a shirt and nails digging into the strong muscles in Eddie's back. 

Eddie doesn't stay away from his mouth for long, rising back up and kissing him breathless, and it's good, fuck, it's so good, liquid heat pooling on his gut, and he doesn't want it to stop but Eddie's a _machine_ that he can't keep up with and he has to twist his head away to get enough air into his lungs. 

He sucks in greedy breaths, blinking rapidly to get his bearings, and then reaches eager hands for Eddie when the room settles, grabbing at his neck to pull him back in. 

But Eddie resists, ignoring Buck's annoyed whine to push himself up onto his elbows and hover over him. "How drunk are you?" Eddie asks, a suspicious frown marring his face - a face that Buck is quickly realizing he likes very, very much.

"'M not," he protests, recanting immediately when Eddie's brow furrows and he frowns at him. "I- I mean, okay, I'm- I'm a little bit tipsy. Sober enough to know what I'm doing." 

"Right," Eddie mutters, looking unconvinced. "You hook up with guys a lot when you're sober, then?"

"Well, not- not _guys_, but I'm not wasted or anything. I got full use of all my functions." He rolls his hips up to make his point, smirking when Eddie hisses and reflexively pushes down against him. "It's _sex_, Eddie, it's one of the few things I'm good at. I mean, sure, it's, uh, it'll be a bit different than what I'm used to, but it's not gonna be that hard to figure it out. I can make it good, I promise."

He tugs gently on Eddie's neck, disappointed at the way his face closes off and he pushes away, rolling back onto the other side of the bed.

"We shouldn't have done that, Buck," he says quietly, squeezing his eyes closed. "I shouldn't- let's go to sleep, yeah? We've had too much to drink and we need to sleep it off."

Buck really shouldn't feel so clearly the loss of something he'd never even thought he wanted half an hour ago. He can't say anything though; the reminder that they've both been drinking makes it impossible for him to push it, even though he's sure that Eddie wants him, and he's equally as sure that he is fully capable of giving Eddie what he wants. He's a lot of things, but he's not someone who would ever push someone to sleep with him after getting a "no". So he just sighs, rolling onto his stomach and wishing he _was_ pissed so that at least his dick wouldn't be trying quite so insistently to get his attention.

"Night, Eddie," he mutters, eyes closed, not sure if he's hurt or not at the quiet, relieved sigh Eddie lets out.

"Good night, Buck," he says quietly, and Buck lets himself drift off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone for the lovely comments! I don't tend to reply, but I read and appreciate every one of them, so thanks :) Hope you all enjoy part 2

It's almost an insult when he wakes up and the only signs of a hangover are a foul taste in his mouth and a light headache curling around the back of his skull. He basically begged his best friend - his best _male_ friend - to fuck him last night, and he doesn't even get to curl up under the covers and sulk his way through a hangover to avoid facing him. Thankfully, he can hear water running in the bathroom, so at least he doesn't have to deal with the awkwardness of waking up in the same bed; and, judging by the way his pillow is wet where he's been drooling on it, he hasn't done anything hideously embarrassing in his sleep like try to cuddle. Small mercies, but one's he'll happily take all the same. 

The worst thing is, he's not sure he regrets last night. He _has regrets_ about last night, sure. Realizing you find your best friend really fucking attractive in a more personal way than you'd ever considered - in the same night he turns you down, no less - wasn't exactly his idea of an ideal night out. But he still has the phantom taste of Eddie's mouth on his tongue, the memory of his touch burned into his skin, and he doesn't know exactly what it means for them and for himself but he knows that, given the option, he wouldn't want to take it back. 

He's startled from his thoughts by the bathroom door opening, and he only manages a quick glance at Eddie before he has to look away, swallowing around an abruptly dry mouth. Something has changed in him, and though he's seen Eddie post-shower plenty of times, it's only today that the stretch of sleeves around his biceps seems to taunt him. Only today that he wants to drink in the way his damp hair curls against his forehead, that he can't help but notice the way his shirt clings to his chest and hangs loose around his hips.

Even more uncomfortably, noticing all these things so clearly feels unfamiliar, but when his eyes trace the muscles in his forearm as they flex with Eddie's movements, it feels like he's treading well worn ground, Eddie's body as familiar to him as his own. It's like he's already spent hours studying him- which he realizes might be closer to the truth than he's willing to touch right now. So he doesn't.

"Buck?" 

"Hmm?" He starts guiltily, meeting Eddie's concerned gaze. "Uh, sorry, man, what was that?"

"I said the bathroom is free. You alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course. Just, you know, waking up. I'll, uh, I'll just..." he gestures weakly to the door Eddie just came through and hops off the bed, grabbing his bag and dragging it into the bathroom with him. 

"Fuck," he groans once he's shut the door behind him, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. He needs to stop making everything so _weird_ \- it's not Eddie's fault that Buck's drunken horniness didn't wear off with the alcohol. If he doesn't stop obsessing over what happened, he's going to make Eddie uncomfortable; the man is clearly trying to put last night behind them and let Buck escape with at least a little bit of his dignity intact, and he's sitting there basically drooling over him doing something as simple as walking through a door. Feeling Eddie's mouth against his might be worth a lot of things, but it's not worth sacrificing Eddie's friendship. All he's got to do is whatever he was doing before, and just not think of Eddie in any way that isn't strictly platonic. Simple.

\---

Of course, Buck's luck, or notorious lack thereof, has never once given him a break, and it refuses to start now. After pushing so hard to spend every ounce of free time they have hanging out in bars, he can't exactly bow out of festivities tonight without drawing attention - even with all the teasing from Hen and Chimney about his and Eddie's presumed hangovers. Especially considering Buck had vehemently denied feeling any ill effects whatsoever before realizing too late that it could have been a decent excuse to go sulk in his room. And, of course, he let himself relax _too_ much, drink a bit too much - again - and he's found himself in a heated discussion with Chimney and Hen that touches too close to his current predicament, but which he refuses to back down on on principle. 

"Look, Buck, there's nobody in the world who's so attractive that the _majority_ of people are going to be into them. There isn't a majority of people who are even into any one gender, for one thing, and I know you hold yourself in high regard, but there's no-one hot enough to transcend sexuality."

"Of course there is! I- I mean, like, Hen, you like girls but- but even you said you had thoughts about Eddie when he first turned up."

Hen's eyebrows climb higher and higher on her forehead with every word he says, and to Buck's surprise she's starting to look genuinely angry at him in a way that he's barely ever experienced.

"Buck," she says, voice clipped and tense, a sharp turn from their previous faux-angry ribbing. "That was a joke. I'm _gay_. I'm a lesbian. I don't know what kind of weird little fantasies you have about _turning_ someone with your raw, manly sex appeal, but no lesbian is ever going to sleep with you or invite you into a threesome or even think about you in that way. _Ever_."

"What?" Buck can only gape at her, looking around for support and only seeing a circle of people who have suddenly become utterly fascinated with the surface of the table. "No, I- of course not! I didn't mean _me_! I- I just, you know, I just meant that- that everyone has thoughts about people sometimes even if it's, like, not their sexuality, or whatever."

He's floundering, trying to explain himself and trying to figure out exactly what he said wrong at the same time, but he just seems to be making things worse while confusing himself, because Hen is really glaring at him now. He doesn't even bother looking around the table this time; he doesn't have to see them avoid his gaze to feel their disapproval radiating at him. He wants to melt through his chair and into the floor almost as much as he wants to make things right.

"No, they don't, Buck!" Hen snaps, leaning forward onto the table. "That's what sexuality _means_! What, do _you_ fantasize about men when you happen to see 'the right one'?"

"Well, _yeah," _Buck says, baffled. "I mean, of- of course I do. I wouldn't act on it just like I know you wouldn't ever want to actually _be_ with a guy but, you know, of course I've _thought _about the occasional guy before. All guys have."

Well, he's succeeded in getting that look of anger off Hen's face, but if anything he's only made himself _more_ confused, because now she's looking at him like he'd just announced he has two heads rather than stated a well known fact. She stares at him wide-eyed for a moment before her face abruptly softens and she settles back into her chair, the angry tension from before gone like it had never been there.

"Buck," she says gently, "Buck, sweetheart. No they haven't."

"Of course they have," he insists, brow furrowing. He looks at Chimney and then Eddie for back-up, but Chimney just slowly shakes his head with his mouth open, and Eddie - Eddie doesn't even look surprised, he looks _stunned_, eyes wide and intense and fixed on Buck's face like he's physically unable to tear his gaze away. Their eyes meet for one second, but he can't handle the inexplicable weight in the way Eddie's looking at him, so he swallows heavily and looks down at the table. "I mean I... I thought... I mean, that's what they say in sex ed and stuff, right? You know, like, everyone has thoughts but they don't have to mean anything about your sexuality?"

There's an awkward silence around the table.

"Uh, Buck... that usually means that weird thoughts are normal while you're, uh, going through puberty. You know, when you're a teenager and a strong wind can set you off. It... it doesn't usually count when you're over, like, eighteen."

"......oh," Buck says quietly, face burning. "I'm sorry," he says, genuinely, a sick twist in his stomach at the thought that he'd hurt Hen through his own stupidity. He's no stranger to putting his foot in his mouth, but not usually like this. Not with something so personal and important to someone he cares so much about. "I really didn't think that it was out of the ordinary, and... I mean, I never meant that lesbians were, uh, were open to men, or anything."

"I know, Buckaroo," Hen says, tone slightly patronizing but genuine, and he can feel himself begin to perk up at the lack of anger in her voice. "You owe me free drinks until you learn to think before you speak, though," she warns, and Buck nods eagerly.

"Yeah, yeah, of course!"

There's another slightly awkward pause, and Chimney takes it upon himself to break it. 

"Okay, but, seriously, now I gotta know - is it just me who's _never_ had sex dreams about a guy? Am I the weird one? I mean, Eddie here, for example, is a fine specimen of a man, don't get me wrong-" Eddie makes a small, unimpressed noise that Chimney ignores "- but I've never had any desire to find out what he'd be like in bed. No offense intended, of course."

"None taken," Eddie says dryly, rolling his eyes and taking a deep drink out of his glass.

"What about you, Cap? You ever found yourself fantasizing about a cute guy?"

"Can't say I have, Chim," Bobby says in that unerringly neutral voice he uses when he really, really doesn't want to be participating in a conversation. And Buck may have started it, but the conversation has taken a turn that he doesn't think he likes, and he's going to have to take Bobby's side on this one. He's- he's confused, _unsettled. _

He's not exactly confident about a lot of things, but sex, his sexuality? He's always been good at that. At all aspects of it, he'd thought; it was just being comfortable in his sexuality, his _hetero_sexuality, that he could admit that some guys did it for him visually, or that he could admit - to himself if nobody else - that his attention was not always strictly on the women when watching porn. He feels like he's been treading water, assuming he was in a pool, only for someone to point out that he's actually just put some makeshift walls down in the middle of the ocean. He's not drowning, he's still swimming just fine, and nothing has _changed_, but all of a sudden there's a lot more to think about than he was aware of a few minutes ago. He doesn't want to be dealing with this surrounded by people, however much he loves them.

He hides his discomfort in his drink as Chimney turns his question on to Eddie, but that turns out to be a mistake when Eddie shrugs, casually says, "I mean, yeah," and Buck ends up inhaling his beer instead of drinking it.

"I don't think it really counts for comparisons, though," he continues, as if Buck isn't choking to death across the table from him. "Seeing as I'm bi and all."

"Oh," Chimney says, as the whole table looks at Eddie in surprise. Which Buck understands - he's as surprised as the rest of them - but he does think they could at least pretend to care about his current near death experience first, the bastards. "So... is this something you've been... hiding? I mean, we don't care, Eddie, you know that, right?"

"Of course I do." Eddie smiles reassuringly at Chimney and shrugs his shoulders. "I haven't been keeping it a secret, or anything. Just, with Christopher, and Shannon... I guess it's never come up. Romance hasn't exactly been high on my list of priorities, lately."

"Makes sense, I suppose," Chimney says, bobbing his head in a nod. "Well, thank you for telling us anyway, man."

"Of course," he replies easily, and just like that the conversation moves on and Buck is left wiping beer from his nose, wondering exactly how many times Eddie Diaz is going to spin his world upside down.

\---

He manages, thankfully, to keep his foot out of his mouth the rest of the night. Admittedly, he's a lot quieter than he normally is, but the rest of the team graciously don't mention it and let him join in only as much as he feels comfortable. It's embarrassing, knowing that they're fully aware of how much his world just shifted (and god, he's accidentally come out as.... as not entirely straight to them before Maddie, she's going to kill him) - but most of all he's grateful, to have a family that knows what he needs and gives it to him without complaint. 

Still, he's very pleased when they all decide to head back to the hotel for the night. Yes, he might be heading to a small room alone with the very person who sparked his problem, but when it comes down to it, there's nobody he's more comfortable with than Eddie, even in these slightly awkward circumstances.

He indulges himself in a little bit of sulking, slumping on the bed and hiding his face in the pillow while he listens to Eddie move around the room. The tv clicks on, volume low. Eddie flicks through the channels before finally settling on some sitcom, and then says, hesitantly, "hey, Buck?"

"Mmm?" Buck rolls over, meeting Eddie's gaze where he's twisting around to look over the back of the couch.

"Listen... If you don't want to talk about it, I won't mention it again, but I am here if you do, alright? What went down at the bar, I mean. I'm not tryin' to tell you what you feel but, y'know. I'm no stranger to those kinds of questions."

"Thanks, man, but I think I just... I think I just need to think by myself for a bit. I appreciate it, though."

"'Course. Offer doesn't expire." Eddie smiles at him reassuringly, pulling a genuine smile onto Buck's face in return, and they lapse into a comfortable silence, Eddie stretched out on the couch and Buck sprawled out on the bed. The show playing quietly is bland garbage, but it does it's job of providing background noise to Buck's sexuality crisis.

It shouldn't be a crisis, really. Buck might not have grown up in the most gay-friendly of houses, but everyone important to him in his adult life wouldn't bat an eyelash at him being bi, or gay, or anything else. Hell, anyone else coming out to Buck wouldn't merit anything other than a "good for you" from him unless they themselves seemed distressed by it. He's perfectly comfortable with the vast spectrum of sexualities and preferences that life is made up of - unless, apparently, the idea of straight not being the automatic default applies to him.

He lays there for what feels like a solid hour, but is probably closer to ten minutes, staring blankly at the ceiling and mulling the idea over in his head before he has to admit that it might do him some good to actually talk about it rather than spin himself in circles worrying.

"Hey, uh, Eddie... I might take you up on that offer, actually. If, I mean, if you don't mind."

"No, of course," Eddie says immediately, like he's been waiting for exactly that. He rises from the couch and settles near Buck on the bed while Buck pulls himself into a sitting position.

"I, uh.... I don't really know where to start," Buck admits, face red. "I guess I just, um. It's weird, thinking something is normal and then finding out it's not."

"Look, Buck... I know we kind of said it wasn't normal, and I mean, I don't think it's that common... but it really doesn't have to mean anything. Not if you don't think it does. You're the only person who knows what you feel, Buck, and if you're straight, you're straight."

"That's the problem," Buck mutters, frowning down at his feet. "I'm not so sure that I am." He risks a glance up, meeting Eddie's calm gaze, and he has to admit it soothes his pounding heart a little, the way Eddie's looking at him. Like whatever Buck says, he's going to follow Buck's lead on how much it means, on how to react. And he knows that the rest of the team won't judge him for something like this, not for being confused about his sexuality, but he also knows what they think of him; he knows they think he's kind of an idiot. He knows that whatever he comes out as, a part of them is going to be laughing at him, for being so quintessentially Buck that he manages to go years knowing he's been attracted to men without acknowledging that it might mean he's not entirely straight. And when it's less raw, when he's sorted through his feelings, he'll probably be joining in, but right now he's looking back at his life and realizing that none of it was what he thought it was, and it just doesn't feel very funny to him.

But he knows Eddie isn't going to judge him, or laugh at him, so he takes a deep breath and lets his thoughts spill from his mouth. 

"I just... I've thought about guys before, but I didn't really think it was something I'd ever want to actually do, you know? B-but then, with you last night, I... I liked it. Fuck, I liked it a lot, and I don't - I didn't realize how much I'd thought about guys until I was with you and now I can't _stop_, and suddenly I'm remembering all the guys I've looked at and realizing that it wasn't just, just some jealousy thing and, fuck, I think I'm into guys." He's been staring wide-eyed at Eddie the whole time he's been babbling, and he doesn't miss the way Eddie's eyes flash at the mention of last night - and if he's finally being entirely honest with himself, that's what seals it for him. Because a straight man would not notice that and be struck with the overwhelming urge to shove Eddie onto his back and ravish him, but that's exactly the impulse that Buck has to forcibly resist.

"You think you are?" Eddie prompts gently, and god, that face is unfair.

"...I am." Eddie holds his gaze, raising his eyebrows encouragingly. "I- um. I guess I'm bisexual?" It feels strange, coming out of his mouth, but he doesn't dislike it. 

"Saying it the first time is always the hardest," Eddie says warmly, arms opening in an invitation for a hug that Buck gladly accepts, letting Eddie wrap his arms around him.

"Sorry for being such an idiot," Buck mumbles into his shoulder.

"Hey, Buck, you're not an idiot. It's not so easy to recognize these things sometimes; trust me, I know what it's like."

The smile he sees when he pulls away feels more like home than any of his houses ever has, warm and inviting and easy, and Eddie's hand is still warm on his shoulder, and before he even knows what he's doing he's thrown himself forward and pressed their mouths together. 

Thinking things through and taking on the label might have been confusing, but nothing about the movement of Eddie's mouth against his is. Eddie kisses him back immediately, easily, seemingly on instinct, hands cupping Buck's face. It feels _right_, like Buck was made to fit against him, like this is what everything has always been building up to. Which is why the sudden rush of cold air against his face when Eddie rears back feels like a slap and leaves him blinking dumbly at Eddie's panicked face.

"Buck, I don't- I don't know that that was a very good idea," he says weakly. "I don't want to mess anything up with us, man."

"I'm not asking you to _marry me_, Eddie," Buck says. "But there's nobody else I trust more than you. We're both single and into the same thing, why not mess around?"

"Buck... It's not... I've got eyes, okay, it's not that I don't think you're... attractive." It's technically a compliment, but the pause and the way it basically has to be forced out of Eddie's mouth means it doesn't exactly feel like one. "But, it's... look. Some people can do the whole friends with benefits thing, but, Buck... I... I don't think this is one of those times where it can work. It's not-" Eddie pauses, face wrinkling as he tries to find the nicest words to let Buck down. "Hooking up when, um, when one of us has feelings for the other is a recipe for disaster."

"Eddie, if neither of us had _feelings_ then hooking up wouldn't be on the table at all."

"That's not the kind of feelings I _mean_, Buck," Eddie huffs in frustration, face twisting in a grimace. "The whole point of friends with benefits is that nobody involved is- is _in love_, alright?"

"...Right. I'm sorry, I- you're right. Forget I said anything. Forget I _did_ anything." He shoves himself off the bed, face burning and stomach twisting in knots. _God_, he's such an idiot. He's only just started to realize that he's into his best friend, and Eddie is already fully aware that Buck is in love with him and - fuck, Buck is in love with him, isn't he? This trip has just been one personal disaster after another, all of them focused on Eddie-goddamn-Diaz. Who, as it happens, he can't actually get very far away from at the moment, but at the very least he can go hide in the bathroom for a minute while he gets his burning face under control - at least, that's something that he could theoretically do. It's a bit difficult to actually do when Eddie has grabbed at his wrist, pulling him to a stop."

"Buck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, okay? I just think it's best for all of us if we don't push things."

"Yeah," Buck sighs, shoulders slumping. "Yeah, I know."

"We good?" Eddie's warm brown eyes are worried but hopeful, and Buck forces a smile onto his face, nodding.

"Of course we are, man. Don't worry about it."

This whole situation fucking sucks, but the brilliant, relieved smile he gets in response makes it all worth it, anyway. 

\---

That's what he tells himself, at least. Sure, of course the reassurance that Buck's feelings haven't ruined their friendship is a relief - it isn't, however, enough to stop his mind wandering without his permission whenever he has a second of silence. He hadn't really realized he'd ever fantasized about Eddie, but now that he knows - knows what his feelings are, knows what Eddie's mouth tastes like, knows what his muscles feel like taut under his fingers - he just can't seem to keep himself from thinking about it. Can't stop noticing his eyes are wandering, whenever he's pretty sure no-one is looking. He doesn't want it to affect his friendship with Eddie, he really, really doesn't, but it is anyway and he doesn't know how to stop it. 

Especially because he's pretty sure he's not the only one looking. 

He knows that Eddie doesn't feel the same way Buck does, but Eddie himself had admitted he had thoughts about Buck that aren't exactly appropriate for a working relationship. He knows that Eddie doesn't want to be in a relationship with him, and he gets why. But the first day after their talk, he notices that Eddie's eyes seem to have a habit of resting on him and flicking away as soon as Buck looks over, and it doesn't get any less frequent from there. Honestly, in those first few days, he'd been trying to keep his distance; he wanted things to go back to the way they were, and he figured it would be best not to push it, to let things breath a little and let himself get used to training his gaze and thoughts away from Eddie.

It hadn't worked, though, because Eddie refused Buck the opportunity to gracefully extract himself. Buck would nab himself a seat between Hen and Bobby for a lecture; Eddie would shoo an amused Hen into another seat and settle next to Buck like nothing was out of the ordinary. Buck bowed out of lunch in favor of retreating to his hotel room; Eddie brought him up some food and stuck around until the next conference. He finally gives up on the whole distance idea at a bar at the end of the day, when he tries to sit between Chimney and Bobby. Eddie reacts by pointedly looking between Buck and the empty seats across the table before slumping dramatically into the one furthest from him.

"Why're you trying to abandon your boy, Buck?" Hen teases, eyes gleaming as Eddie exaggerates a pout, and Buck finally gives up, rolling his eyes and making a show of hauling himself out of his seat and dropping into the one next to Eddie that Hen is gesturing to. 

"Excuse me for thinking Eddie is an adult who would understand me wanting to spend a bit of time with Cap and Chim."

"Uh uh, no, don't you drag us into this little lover's quarrel," Chimney warns, shaking his head. "Eddie is welcome to you, I am not letting you use me as a pawn in this will-they-won't-they thing you're doing. One Buckley is enough for me, thank you."

"Shut up, Chimney," Buck grouses, chucking a coaster that Chimney easily knocks aside. "There is no _thing_ we're doing."

"Well then keep us out of this non-thing," Hen instructs him from her place in his former seat, Chimney making a noise of agreement. Buck rolls his eyes, batting a coaster at her for good measure, but he goes easily when Eddie pulls him into a one-armed hug, resigning himself to plenty of cold showers throughout the rest of this trip. 

Once he goes back to his usual routine of being stuck to Eddie's side, the looks become even harder to ignore. He convinces himself it's all in his head at first - Eddie surely just happens to be looking at him when Buck's thoughts are getting away on him, and Buck ends up reading more into them than he should. But it gets harder and harder to convince himself that every heated glance is a coincidence when it feels like every time he looks at Eddie he's staring at him like he wants to drag him into the closest empty room, and Buck is constantly fighting the urge to fall into inappropriate thoughts in public. It's two nights into this drawn-out torture that he finally snaps and tests the waters.

He doesn't want to be too blatant; he might be frustratingly into Eddie, but the last thing he wants to do is make him uncomfortable if he's managing to read the situation wrong. So rather than corner Eddie in a secluded stairway and demand answers, he instead decides to put himself on display and watch for Eddie's reaction. 

Ever since the first night, he's been dressing a lot more conservatively than he normally would in an attempt to make sure Eddie isn't uncomfortable. Admittedly, the fact that Eddie hasn't brought up their bed-sharing situation makes Buck think that he is, at the very least, not uncomfortable around him, but he's figured better safe than sorry - and if heavy tracksuit pants make it a lot easier to disguise any inconvenient physical reactions, well. That's just coincidental. 

That night, though, after his shower, he goes back to his normal nightwear of boxers only, and the heated gaze that rakes down his body when he steps out of the bathroom confirms everything as far as he's concerned. Eddie might not want to be with him, but he's definitely interested in other things - and, well, with everything Eddie has done for Buck in the time they've known each other, it's only fair that Buck do his best to give him what he wants. If their interests happen to overlap, then that's just an extra bit of luck.

He doesn't do anything that night. He needs a plan of action, he figures, to make sure Eddie knows that Buck isn't going to get weird on him if they go through with it. All of his attempts to plan things out just end up derailing into daydreams that aren't appropriate for a professional setting, though, and in the end, he just does what he always does; jumps in with both feet but no plan. 

They get back to their hotel room at the end of the day, and the door is barely closed behind them before Buck makes his move, crowding up into Eddie's personal space and backing him into the door. He might not be good at knowing what his own feelings are, but getting people into bed is something he _knows_ he's good at.

"I think we should rethink that friends-with-benefits thing," he says smoothly before Eddie can say anything, enjoying the way Eddie gawps at him a little bit - it's nice to finally be taking charge of this thing for once.

"I... what? Buck, we agreed it was too risky."

"Yeah, when I thought you didn't want it at all. I'm starting to think that's not true, though. Not with the way you keep staring at me."

"I- I don't- I haven't been staring at you."

"Sure you haven't. And that's not an 'I'm not interested, Buck.'" Eddie is uncharacteristically flustered. He bites his lip, face red, and Buck presses his point. "Just tell me you don't want it, Eddie. Tell me you don't want me, and I'll never bring it up again." Eddie avoids his eyes, opening his mouth briefly but letting it click closed without saying anything. Buck steps closer, toes of his shoes bumping against Eddie's own, and lets himself take a second to admire the dark curl of Eddie's eyelashes, anticipation flickering up his spine. "Then why not?" he murmurs, voice pitched low, drawing a satisfying shiver from Eddie as he lets his hands slide up to rest on his shoulders. "You know we'd be good together, Eddie."

"It's not whether I think it would be _good_, Buck," Eddie breathes. "I know it would be. I've- god, I've thought about it enough times. I just... I can't lose what we have. You're my best friend, we've gotten through some serious shit, fuck, you're basically my kid's second dad. I can't lose that - I can't do it to Chris, I can't do it to _me_."

The mention of Christopher makes his heart leap, surprised warmth curling into his chest. He knows he's close with the kid, knows he's somehow managed to win his affection despite not deserving it, but knowing that and hearing it- hearing it phrased like _that_, in a way he's never even let himself consider - are two entirely different things. That's not the point, though; if Buck thought it would put his relationship with either of them at risk, he wouldn't be going for it and putting himself out there like this. 

"I know how to do the whole friends-with-benefits thing, Eddie," he assures him. "If you want me in _any_ way, I'd- I'd have to be insane to be, to be _hurt_ that your feelings aren't the same as mine."

"No offense, Buck," Eddie says, voice flat, "but it's not _you_ who would be _hurt_ in this situation, is it?"

Buck frowns, frustrated. He hadn't been entirely wrong, those first few days after he'd met Eddie; he had turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to him instead of the worst, sure, but that didn't mean he wasn't sometimes painfully, frustratingly confusing.

"I mean, yeah, I know it would hurt you and Chris if I pulled away because I'm in love with you and couldn't deal with it, bu- but, I wouldn't do that, not to you. Not to _Chris_. I know I hurt you, hurt you both, but... we got past it, didn't we? I learned my lesson, Eddie, I- I swear, I did. You two are the best thing that has ever happened to me, alright, and all - all I want is to give you everything you want from me." His heart is thundering in his chest, and he stares hopefully at Eddie, needing him to _understand_, to realize it's _okay_ to take what he needs from Buck, because nothing he could take would ever be enough to balance the scales with all of the things him and Christopher have done for him. He knows that he's already so, so lucky that Eddie even still feels comfortable around him, knowing how Buck feels, and he just - he just wants to do everything he's able to make up for what he's gained, and it just so happens that one of the things Eddie wants from him is one of the few things Buck knows he can give.

He shuffles his feet, heavy tension tipping quickly into awkward as Eddie just stares at him, face inscrutable in a way it barely ever is, and he has to remind himself to keep breathing.

"Did you just say you're in love with me?" Eddie asks, finally breaking the silence, tone nerve-inducingly unreadable.

"Um... yes?" Buck bites his lip, suddenly self conscious. "Sorry, is that... Was I not meant to say it out loud? I don't- I never- I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Eddie, I know you don't feel the same way. That- that's not the point. I'm just saying, a- anything I get from you is more than I deserve, I know that, I'm not gonna- not gonna turn into a clingy stalker, or anything, I promise." He attempts a laugh, wincing inwardly at the way it comes out shaky and fake, heart sinking when Eddie just continues staring at him, looking stunned.

"You... Buck, I don't understand."

"Well... There's not much to understand? I mean, we had that talk, about how you don't think hooking up can work if one person has feelings, a- and I get where you're coming from, I do, but I really can handle it, Eddie."

He was hoping for, if not acceptance of his argument, at least a look that says Eddie understands what he's trying to say, what he's trying to offer - but his eyes are wide, lips parted in an unfairly alluring way, and if Buck didn't know better, he'd call the look on his face _awed_ \- though not without that familiar, unique look that only Buck seems able to put on his face. A look that Buck finds himself faced with a lot, actually - a look of exasperated fondness, like Buck has managed to miss something glaringly obvious but been endearing while doing it.

"Buck, you... I wasn't talking about you."

"You... What?" His heart, previously thundering high in his chest, drops to his stomach. He thought he at least knew what he was dealing with - physical attraction minus romance. Something he's used to. He can't think of any _other_ way to take their conversation, but it wouldn't be the first time Buck has completely misunderstood clear signals, and the possibility that he's gotten it so painfully wrong has him feeling physically sick. He opens his mouth to stammer an apology, letting his arms fall and taking a step back in preparation for a hasty retreat, but his mouth snaps shut as Eddie's hands come up, curling warm around the back of his neck and holding him still.

"Buck," Eddie murmurs, voice almost as soft as the look on his face. "Buck, you idiot. I'm in love with you."

This entire trip has clearly been too much for Buck's poor heart, because he swears it stops dead at Eddie's words; he couldn't prove it, though, because it comes roaring back to life when Eddie pulls him gently in and their lips meet. He should be embarrassed at the way his breath catches in his throat, but the only thing he's capable of feeling at the moment is the press of Eddie's lips, the slide of his tongue, the gentle pressure of his thumbs rubbing circles on his skin. His arms wrap reflexively around Eddie's waist, pulling him as close as he can, but Eddie breaks their kiss when Buck tries to deepen it, leaving him bereft with a teasing bite of his bottom lip that makes heat spike in his belly. 

He whines in protest, too buoyed up by Eddie's words and touch to bother caring about how petulant he sounds, but when Eddie laughs, wide smile lighting up his face, Buck is grinning just as wide. 

"We're gonna need to work on that communication thing, huh," Eddie says. Buck hums in happy agreement, leaning his head into the palm Eddie smooths up the side of his face. 

"We should start with you saying that again."

"We're gonna need to work on-" 

"Not _that_, you dick," Buck huffs, Eddie's shit-eating grin obvious against the hand Buck has clapped over his mouth. "You know what I meant!" 

"I love you," Eddie purrs when Buck takes his hand away, pressing a feather-light kiss to his lips in apology. 

"I love you, too," he says, delighting in the way it falls off his tongue so naturally, in the way Eddie beams at him and pulls him in again, letting Buck lick into his mouth. A groan rumbles through Eddie's chest and sends vibrations through Buck as he kisses his way down Eddie's neck.

"We should talk about how we're going to do this- this, uh. Relationship?"

"Mmmhmm," Buck agrees, rucking Eddie's shirt up under his armpits so he can get his mouth on his chest.

"I mean, like, _now_," Eddie presses, reaching behind his back to pull his shirt the rest of the way off.

"Mmm, no," Buck disagrees, running his hands down the newly revealed skin to toy with Eddie's waistband, tilting his head with a sigh as Eddie kisses the sensitive skin behind his ear. "I want to be with you; the rest is just details. Details that can wait. I've been dying of blue balls this entire trip, talking can happen _after_ you fuck me." He lets his hand press the point home, sliding down and cupping Eddie's dick through the fabric of his jeans.

"Fuck." Eddie kisses him deep, spinning them around and walking them the few steps to the - _their_ \- bed, pushing him down onto his back. "Shirt off." There's a snarky reply about not taking orders on his lips, but Eddie's eyes are dark and his hands are undoing his belt and Buck isn't sure he's ever been this turned on in his life, so he keeps his mouth shut and gets his shirt off as fast as he can. He tosses it aside and pushes himself up so he's properly on the bed, and Eddie follows him, straddling his thighs and letting Buck pull him in close, dark curls silky soft against his fingers as they kiss. 

"We don't have to actually have sex, you know," Eddie says against his mouth in between kisses. "I know you haven't done this before, I don't expect you to jump right into things." Buck can't help but laugh at that, rolling his eyes fondly at Eddie's offended frown.

"That's sweet of you, Eds, really it is, but this would _not_ be the first time I've taken it up the ass."

"I thought you'd never been with men before?" Eddie asks in surprise, grimacing as soon as it's out of his mouth.

"Why? You jealous?" He grins, smug at the way Eddie falters for the first time since they started.

"What you've done with other people isn't any of my business," he tries to deflect. Buck snorts.

"That's not what I asked." He pulls Eddie to him, kissing him lazily. "For the record, I haven't, but there are these things that you might have heard of called sex toys." He smirks. "Your little jealous streak is noted and appreciated, though." Eddie is the one who kisses him this time, shutting him up with a tongue in his mouth and a hand twisting into his hair. Buck is happy to let him - he's going to have plenty of time to take advantage of that little slip up, so he responds with enthusiasm, wrapping his arms around Eddie's neck and letting him take control.

And _god fucking bless_ the remnants of Buck 1.0, because if it wasn't for that horny, easy part of him and the condoms and lube he habitually ensures are stocked in his bag, he wouldn't be here, Eddie over him and around him and in him with fingers digging bruises into his hips and mouth biting bruises onto his neck, and he's had _a lot_ of good experiences in beds but he thinks this is the closest to heaven he's ever going to get.

He's actually pretty sure he _does_ die and reach heaven, because he loses coherent grasp on reality at some point after gasping his release and comes back to earth at the press of damp tissues against his stomach.

"You good?" Buck rolls his head upright, blinking up at Eddie's handsome, handsome face. He can think that now, no guilt included, and the realization makes him smile.

"Brilliant."

"Good." Eddie's head dips down, pulling Buck into a languid kiss. "You can put these in the bin and turn off the lights."

"...Come to think of it, I think you might've broken me," Buck says, fluttering his eyelashes and rolling his head back against the pillow. "Definitely can't make it to the light switch."

"You can toss these then, while I deal with the lights."

"...Or the bin. Can't make it there, either."

"Right." The mattress shifts under him as Eddie gets off the bed with a swat at his hip. "Don't think I'm gonna let you off this easy next time, mi vida." Buck grins, chest warm at the term of affection - at least, he thinks it's a term of affection. He really needs to brush up on his Spanish; he wouldn't put it past Eddie to insult him in a tone of voice that would make the coldest heart swoon. 

For now, though, he just relaxes into the pleasant aches that come from a round of brilliant sex, takes full advantage of his new freedom to admire Eddie's naked body until he flicks the lights off, and then wraps his arms around his partner - his _boyfriend_, he reminds himself giddily - when he makes it back to him. They settle into bed, Buck's head tucked under Eddie's chin - comfortable even considering Buck's superior height - and Eddie's arm around his waist, Buck's curled in between them.

"I love you," Buck whispers into the hollow of Eddie's throat. He gets no response, and he hadn't been expecting one - Eddie is notoriously quick to fall asleep, much to the annoyance and jealousy of the rest of the 118, and his breathing is already slow and even, arm a loose weight around him. He's saying it for himself, soaking in the way it feels so natural, so _right_. He knows that he has the rest of his life to hear the same from Eddie, because he's going to do everything in his power to make sure this lasts, to ensure that he proves to Eddie that he's worthy of him and Christopher. So he breathes in one more time and lets sleep take him, safe and content in Eddie's arms.


End file.
